I believe, but help my unbelief…
How do I hope against all hope?
Wait for the healing that hasn’t come yet?
Long for the repair of what is broken while still staring at the pieces of what’s left?
What happens during the now and what’s next…
When the faith I depend on can’t hold up my face, let alone my worn out soul?
When there’s no rest after releasing because I pick back up what keeps pushing me down low.
How do I keep on walking when fainting seems inevitable?
How do I trust in what’s not promised and find joy in what’s in front of me?
I want a vision that lasts. A strength of sight. I want to press on towards the goal. I want victory in the fight.
There’s a faith that says God is good. This life here is but a shadow. Breath in. breath out. Keep pressing onward in the battle.
But, I want a faith that sees… no, that KNOWS — the truth is simply YOU! One that knows every time my eyes fall from Yours, I am only guaranteed to sink deeper in the storm. Because, I can’t fight what’s in front of me. I am weak and totally insufficient. I never have been able to do what others seem to.
But, YOU… Oh, Jesus.
So, I stand firm in this place — waiting — yet, fighting in my fear and trembling… for more faith and hope and joy and strength… for more trust and more love, because I’m only fighting for more of You. Just give me more of you, Oh Lord. Your grace. Your face.
Let me touch your robe…
Please never let me go.
I want to collapse because I keep failing… thoughts swirl, words don’t come… is that your voice or only my thoughts trailing…
Why does my head shout, my body cry… why do my feelings feel so real, but I know only tell lies?
What is the truth? What is you? Why does this battle rage daily?
Please step into clear view. Be my sight. Be my light in this death valley.
Oh Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner.