There’s a reason this blog has the tag line, “where my heart and His Story collide”. That reason is because it often does. Collide, I mean… my heart and His Story. Not His fault, of course. Always mine. But, because it does, I get stuck. I get stuck in His Story because I’m forever trying to hurry and prevent the upcoming collision of… well basically, our wills. Or try to repair the damage that inevitably occurs in the collision. Or even try to pull a hit and run and pretend the collision never happened so I can go about doing what I want to do my own way.
Because, I simply don’t always (or nearly ever) seem to want what God wants. And when I do, it’s rarely immediate. No. I usually want what I want. NOW. Please and thank you very much.
And, these last few years have seemed to bring their fair share of major collisions. Causing more hit and runs than I’d like to admit. Yep, I’ve found out real quick my propensity towards sin and self and inflicting major damage… especially damage to others I’d like honestly to forget.
Still, I hurry up as I wait it out.
The Hurry Up and Wait
Hurry to repair. Hurry to be first. Hurry to win. Hurry to be right. Hurry because I know I’m right (dang it!) Hurry to speak. Hurry to understand. Hurry to have a leg up. Hurry so as not be taken advantage of. Hurry to correct the record. Hurry to defend. Hurry to forget. Hurry to overcome. Hurry to heal. Hurry to bend. Hurry to fill and force and enforce my will for my good pleasure. Hurry to move on to whatever’s next just to get on to the real living (for the love!)
And it seems I’ve been waiting… oh, for pretty much ever and I just want to hurry on with it. Whether I’m waiting on direction. On results. On dreams or clarity or another person to get with my program. Waiting for this, that, and the other to hurry and pass over so I can get on with my life. Until, that is, I’m forced to wait on the next thing. Because I’m really just hurrying along only to wait again. Yep, I’ve finally realized the waiting will – most assuredly – also be part of the next thing.
Because, the waiting is the living.
Yet, we somehow continue to think the waiting shouldn’t be a part of our life story even though pauses exist in all stories. In music and poems and conversations, too. (Well, that last one could be debatable depending on who you’re talking to.) Selah is actually a beautiful word used in scripture that many people believe means “a pause.” And what happens during a pause? Well, you breathe – or you may hold your breath, I suppose – but, either way, you’re waiting. And the wait is intentional. It’s building up to something. For the child of God, it’s actually building us up into something.
And, if there’s a time for everything under the sun, then there’s a time that’s been set for waiting, too. Waiting on the Lord brings strength and energy. I think that learning to wait in discomfort may actually be the key that can unlock joy in a heart. Because, the waiting is super uncomfortable much of the time, right? That’s why we’ll do anything to avoid a wait. Just take a look around you in the grocery lines or event lines or, especially, the roads. (And… No. That is not me you see jockeying for the best position. She just looks like me, okay!) It’s just all that gross uncertainty that comes with the wait, though! That’s the thing that can make you hurry around all crazy. Or just plain act all crazy. And, the duration is what can sometimes leave you breathless. Lifeless, even. And the loving starts to become stale or look much less like love and the hope can seem to end as our vision grows skewed, or worse, begins to see something beyond anything that can seem to be good. And cynicism can root deep, too. So we lose sight of all previous blessings and hurry to rush ahead without waiting for God’s counsel.
Or even asking for it.
And there we’re left. Ahead, maybe. But more often, just squatting and staring in disbelief at all the mess of our collision, looking for the quickest way to repair the damages so we can rest again.
And for what? Why do we hurry and rush around like it all depends on us? Why do we hurry to keep so busy simply trying to avoid a wait? Why do we rush around pushing our own agendas when we’ve been called to rest in a perfectly finished one? A life and agenda that’s been established for us from the beginning. Because we have, you know…. been called to rest in the work completed at the cross, on our behalf. We’ve been called to enter into a rest that never ends, in the waiting arms of a Warrior Hero that never rests…
A Hero who suffered in His fair share of waiting rooms… One who was never in a hurry to move on because there was a bigger plan at play. And the simply scary truth is… we can get in the way of that bigger and better work when we don’t wait on Him.
And what I believe we’re really all just wanting as we rush and hurry… what we’re all just needing right in the space and face and flurry of the wait is… Peace. Because peace would make the waiting bearable, would it not?
Dare I say even joyful.
And, even more joyfully, there’s actually good news for this. Peace is not the absence of that conflict or upheaval or distraction. Nor is it – thankfully – a silly, fleeting feeling.
Peace is a Person named Jesus. He is the source of peace and He offers peace and He is our peace…
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)
“…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4: 6-7)
So, then.. there you have it. Bam. Easy peasy. My work here is done.
Because the sad truth is, it’s one thing to know He is Peace. But, it’s a whole other ball game to actually believe it – to receive His Peace – in the actually waiting. Do you feel that way also?
But. But… There it is. We can’t dare deny it. We see it written in black and white and all throughout God’s Word, really. It shouldn’t be so hard to feel… to sense… to believe and receive. So why does it continue to be so hard? Why is maintaining peace in the waiting so hard to achieve for us?
My short answer is self.
Yeah, in all this waiting… we’re still working… or worrying… or wondering… or wandering. And in every bit of it, all we’re doing is trying to simply be in control of our world. Attempting to be the kings and queens of our little kingdoms of a few, or even only one. And, in every bit of it, all we’re only saying (or shouting, honestly) is…
I’m in charge and it’s all – and only – up to me! So I must hurry in the wait because I can’t trust this Peace. I must create it myself or it will never be.
But, I’m here to tell you that is simply not true. It’s just not. It never has been. Listen, I’m a 45 year old daughter, sister, friend, wife and mother, who’s never had a serious career nor really ever done anything of note except try to find a life worth living through a God who is everything worth living for… here to bravely and boldly tell you what I’ve learned in it all…
It. Is. Not. All. Up. To. You.
Because, when it’s all up to us, we will never be enough. It’s only when we lean into our Lover, that His Love proves strong enough…
Strong enough to bear the wait. Strong enough to bring the rest. And strong enough to hold up our heads as we wait to see His Deliverance and His Best.
You see, my dear sweetest friends, the key to this lifetime of waiting is…
It will unlock your joy and carry you through every waiting room and season and moment that seems to last forever and through every moment in between and into all eternity.
So, surrender to your Hero in the waiting and watch the perfect peace He is certain to bring ❤