I feel like it’s time to share a few things with you…
So, we have this word “RELAX” carved from wood hanging in our gazebo. It’s like a reminder… or a command. One that’s super easy to follow when I’m swinging in my chair or hammock, listening to the birds and the slight breeze rustling our palm trees. Anyone can relax in that environment. But, I took notice of this sign on a particular day when I wasn’t exactly relaxed. A day when I was confused and filled with doubt. Which happens often lately. Because, I really have no idea where I’m going… Where my life is going. Where all this writing I love to do is going. I really don’t. Probably because I’m a terrible planner and not super goal oriented. Actually, I’m not at all oriented towards goals or planning. But, mostly because God hasn’t chosen to reveal it yet. So, I’m just kinda along for the ride. And for all I know, I’m all alone on this ride. Well, except my sweet Momma, who’s always by my side. Because, seriously, why would a 45 year old woman with no professional background be crazy enough to think someone – except her own Momma – would even be interested in what she has to write in the first place?!
But life can be weird. And oftentimes the things we feel called to do can seem even weirder.
***As the choir shouts, “Ain’t that the truth!“***
And so this is where I’m currently camped; and now I think my new motto while I’m here should be something like this:
Ride Out this Crazy, Weird Calling (kicking and screaming, yet hopeful) or Die.
Kicking and screaming?? Yeah. Because, while I’m really not one to brag, I gotta tell you that I’m pretty much God’s weakest and most fearful saint. Like Gideon. Now, that guy’s definitely my homey. (If you’re not familiar, check out his incredible story in Judges, Chpts 6-7).
But – and this is a big ol’ but – like Gideon’s story shows us, I’m also hopeful, because there’s great news in all this. Living a life of faith doesn’t have to look brave or pretty or perfect. Thank goodness! It doesn’t have to look goal oriented or self-assured or like it’s got it all together, nice and tidy, wrapped up with a beautiful bow. And it doesn’t have to always be strong or kept tirelessly secured and super busy or full of whatever someone else believes makes great faith or an even greater servant. Faith only needs one ingredient to make it work.
And, so the thing I’m not confused about at all, is that I can know – in ever increasing measure – this all important ingredient. And knowing Him better is the most important thing, because He’s The One who’s leading me to wherever this crazy ride is headed. Oh, and it helps that I also know that He’s completely faithful to get me there.
See, knowing Jesus is the only reason I can live and love in transparency. He’s the reason I want you to know how often I can mess up or fall down in my life and faith or that I still doubt why I’m writing after two years. He’s the reason I want you to know that, even with this blog and Facebook page, I’m often lost and confused… That I still haven’t decided if I should post daily or only when inspired to; that I consistently question myself before I share anything; whether I should also share videos or content from others or random, fun things in my life or all of the above; that this entire process has been trial and error… possibly (or probably!) because I pridefully refuse to follow some prescription for blogs and perfect FB pages; that I’m still in doubt about using the cool logo my kid designed months ago for me, because why would I need a logo anyway… because, why does a 45 year old even need a blog and Facebook page for her writing anyway(?!?); and that I can feel completely overwhelmed by every bit of it some days.
Though, I really only want you to know all of this if you’ll promise to hear the other side of it. Which is how very much we are each still loved and accepted and full of dignity and worth in spite of any and all confusion or doubt we care to ever possess AND that God would never bring us to something that He won’t also get us completely through.
And… I also want you to know all this for whatever confusing thing you happen to be facing in your life and faith today. I want you to know that God is not looking for the especially gifted, the stoic, the strongman, or the superhero.
God is looking for the surrendered.
Because, He knows this life is hard and He wants us to know He has the answers that will help. He knows we are but dust and wants us to know He’s holding us. He knows our words are worthless if they aren’t coming from love and He wants us to hear His love for us so we can share it with others. He knows our hearts are really only looking for a soft place to land and something to live for and He wants us to know He’s waiting for us in the land of the living. He knows our beginning from our end and wants us to know that every peaceful or doubt fueled moment in between is what Jesus lived to give and reconcile for us.
Simply put, God knows you and wants you to know Him. More and more and more.
And I just wanted to share all of this to remind and encourage us all to – like my sign outside says –
Relax into our crazy ride. Relax into His perfect timing and plan. Relax into the idea of getting to know Jesus in increasing measure, because He’s got the answer to every confusing thing that has us in a holding pattern or that’s holding us back. Relax into the life that’s held out to us and held up for us, by God, Himself. Relax into knowing that because He holds this whole, crazy world, we can relax and know that, without any doubt…
He’s. Got. Us.
In him [Jesus] we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will…Ephesians 1:11
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms…
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.