Ponderings

Either Jesus, Or…

The past has a way of sneaking up on you. Things you thought had been long dealt with can reappear in surprising fashion. Pain is often like that, too. It cuts awfully deep, so wounds never really seem to altogether disappear in life.

And, wow… right now I’m right there. In a pit of deep pain from the past because I want something I didn’t get. And my mind is swirling about in a crazy storm of unforgiveness, sadness, bitterness, regret, and honestly, flat out anger. And each feeling is threatening to take root deeply in the soil of my heart. And I can’t abide that. Can’t stand the thought, actually. It frightens me. Worse, though, I know how it dishonors God. To live this out is certainly not His best and could never build up His Kingdom.

But, these feelings are here. And they’re real. And real palpable. Pounding loud just at the surface. Threatening to come to life in all my reactions. Because, there’s no way to really address the issue. Not at the moment, anyway. No way to share in the absorbing of them without causing more pain. Timing for hard things usually is less than ideal, though, wouldn’t you say? Intentionally so, most likely.

So what now??

Well, simply put… I’ve got a choice to make. Like it or not. (Which I don’t even one bit, thank you anyway.)

And that choice is either Jesus, or… suffocation, as these feelings begin to take root and threaten to pull me under.

Either Jesus, or… spending untold months – or maybe even years – cleaning the dirt outta my nails for all the constant attention and tugging those roots are sure to require. (And y’all, I really don’t like to garden or get dirty.)

Either Jesus, or… a slow, filthy, suffocating spiritual death of sorts.

So, of course, I wanna choose Jesus.

And I will choose Jesus, though it’s just really hard because my flesh is aching and wants tending to immediately.

Yet, only The Source of true love can make a heart love again. Truly. Only True Love can breathe true life back into a heart that’s dying.

So then, I simply must make Jesus my choice. I must take each of these feelings to The One who created me, owns me, loves me, knows me. And, I must sit at His feet until He frees me.

Because this I know with all my heart: there’s no force on earth – whether it’s well intended and loving, or lashing out and letting go – that can repair, revive, or relieve a suffocating heart.

Blaming can’t either. Nor talking or crying about it (I’ve tried). Nor sweeping things under rugs. Nor sarcasm. Same goes for some healthy outlet, unhealthy substance, or mental distraction.

Nope. Only Jesus heals.

Ultimately and completely.

You see… people often say, let the past lie. Which is okay advice. But, sometimes the past can also lie to us about our now or our future.

You know who never lies, though? Jesus.

Jesus comes with the real and honest Good News. He says that the past doesn’t get to decide nor does it even have the final say. And since Jesus has also decided my past, present, and future, I’ve gotta make the choice today to rest in that.

To rest in Him.

Now, maybe you can offer a quick prayer that I keep choosing that?? I’d certainly do the same for you if you asked…💛

9 thoughts on “Either Jesus, Or…”

  1. I love this and that you ask for prayer to choose Jesus and find peace and rest with Him. I will pray and I love you and your words. Tammy

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  2. I so so sorry that all these unwanted feelings are causing you such pain right now and you are absolutely right with in your words “Jesus or ….” I will be praying that every time these feelings come up you at that moment turn it right over to Jesus, our One True Healer of all things past, present and future. I love you! ❤️❤️❤️

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  3. Your blogs are always so raw and honest. Sorry about the past demons raising their ugly heads. As for prayer, I find that just repeating “Jesus” works just fine when specific prayers are lacking. He knows what is hurting our hearts anyway! Love you, and may God’s healing arms wrap around you to soothe your pain!

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  4. The retired therapist in me wants to say, “Why don’t you come over and we’ll talk…” But you have already found the only solution, Jesus! So I will continue praying for you instead! Love you, Precious Kacy!

    Sondra

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